Dream

 Hello guys!

Just wandering, did you all dream every night? 

Some people said, deep sleep means you won't have any dream in your sleep. But, I've met people who said, deep sleep to him is when he dream in his sleep because he rarely have a dream.

Well, I was shocked when I heard my friend said she rarely had a dream. In her whole life, she had maybe 2 or 3 nights only with dream. The rest, she didn't have any dream at all. 

I was shocked because I dream almost every night. In one night I will have at least 2 or 3 dream stories. And sometimes, whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, then I continue back to sleep, my dream story will continue 😂. You know, it was like a pause in a movie, then we click resume 😂. It is funny right??? haha . But it is also tiring at the same time. 

It wasn't just sleep at night. Even when I took like a 10 minutes nap during the day, I will also have a dream. Maybe that's why I always need 8 hours of sleep because I have never had any deep sleep. 

My friend once asked,  "tapi kalau kau penat sangat, mesti kau tak mimpi kan?" Hell NOOOOO hahahha. Lagi aku penat, lagi galak mimpi aku!!! it was soooo tiringggg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and lagi penat, sebab aku akan ingat setiap mimpi tuuuu.

Tapi, kadang-kadang ada mimpi yang best, so aku suka sangat. Bila aku rasa nak tersedar, aku akan paksa untuk tak bangun sebab mimpi tu best 😊

But, most of the time, I didn't have a good dream. 😔

okay.... stop reading, if you can be triggered by anything called as trauma, fear or phobias.

I've read somewhere that said "Dreams often reflect our emotions, fears, or unresolved thoughts, and they can be influenced by our experiences, both conscious and unconscious"

I believe everyone has their own trauma, unpleasent experience and etc. Everyone also has their own way to cope with it.

I have a very hateful, bad, traumatic and sad childhood experience. It is to me, don't judge okay.

............................................... ahhhhh I need to pause typing, my tears drop my cheeks.

Bila aku dah besar, aku baru tahu "mistake is normal" especially untuk budak kecik. Unfortunately, not to my father. Ayah aku seorang yang sangat baran. Bila aku or adik-beradik aku buat salah, kitorang akan kena dengan ayah kitorang. 'Kena' tu not just some bebelan, tapi ayah aku memang ada rotan khas untuk kitorang. Kitorang akan kena rotan sampai berbirat-birat. Tak kesah kau anak perempuan or anak lelaki kau memang akan kena.

Aku tak ingat kehidupan aku macam mana dari umur aku baby - 4 tahun, tapi ingatan aku start yang mak aku sentiasa menangis bila ayah aku ada. Aku ingat lagi waktu aku 5 tahun, ayah aku balik malam. Aku tengah tidur, sedar-sedar ayah aku tengking and tampar aku sekuat-kuatnya. Tak cukup dengan tu, ayah aku angkat aku letak kat luar rumah tengah malam buta. Rumah aku takde pagar and aku menangis meraung sebab aku sangat ketakutan. 

Kau tahu sebab apa?

Sebab aku lupa ambik kasut sekolah yang aku jemur kat luar rumah. Kau bayangkan manusia mana yang sanggup buat macam tu kat budak umur 5 tahun yang tengah tidur.

And there was also one time, aku menangis bangun tidur. Waktu tu aku umur 5 atau 6 tahun. Ayah aku ni sangat pantang dengar budak kecil menangis, dia rasa budak tu tak behave or mak bapak dia tak pandai ajar anak. Pastu time tu, tengah bersiap nak pergi tadika, maybe waktu tu aku cranky, biasalah kan budak kecik 5 tahun, until now aku ingat lagi perit dia. Ayah aku tampar muka aku berkali-kali kiri kanan sampai muka aku berbirat. Waktu tu family aku semua duduk rumah nenek aku, tapi nenek and datuk aku semua tak boleh buat pape, sebab ayah aku pun kurang ajar dengan dorang. So nenek aku hanya mampu menangis.

Lepas je ayah aku pergi kerja, nenek aku peluk aku kuat-kuat macam rasa serba salah. It still hurts me until now. And hari tu, nenek aku kata tak payah pergi tadika sebab muka aku berbirat kena tampar. It hurts :(

Banyak sangat kenangan pahit family aku dengan bapak aku. Tapi one thing yang buat aku bersyukur sangat-sangat, Allah kurniakan aku seorang mak yang sangat penyayang. Tapi aku sangat kesian dengan kehidupan mak aku sebab dia dapat suami yang macam tu. 

People said "perangai baran ni bila makin tua, lama-lama akan hilang". But it wasn't for my father. Umur dia 61 tahun pun dia baling pisau dekat muka adik aku semata-mata sebab adik aku bermuka masam (moody) time tengah makan. I really can't accept it. Maybe next time I will tell more. 

But, what I know, if somebody says he hates his/her parents, there is always a reason behind it 😕

Why did I tell you guys about this? Sebab bila aku stress, aku akan mimpi pasal apa yang ayah aku buat dekat aku. Even though stress aku tu kadang-kadang takde kena mengena dengan family, tapi aku akan mimpi pasal tu. Bila mimpi tu datang, aku jadi takut sangat nak tidur. Sebab aku dah taknak lalui fasa tu lagi.

Okay that's all for today's story. Bye... Until next time.